Things I have learned from the "South"...

-- Seasons do exist.

-- Guns are not only welcome, but seen as necessities.

-- You cannot live without sweet tea.

-- Nor fried chicken for that mattter.

-- Southern boys (one in particular ;) ) are awesome.

-- Hospitality exists.

-- So does 'yessir' and "yesmum'.

I love Virginia!

Marriage

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:4-5)

So begins my research paper on "Preparing for Marital Life", the remaining requirement of my Counseling Women course. As I write this paper and jot down my rough outline, I am realizing how much of it applies to me. I am going to be a wife. Personally, I never understood the career driven mentality so many women have. As exciting being promoted was last year, it didn't make me want to "climb the ladder" so to speak. Not that I look down on them, but all I have ever wanted was to have my own home and a family.

Soon, in 249 days, instead of instead of only living for myself and my goals, I will be helping my husband meet his aspirations. I will learn new definitions of respect, flexibility and faithfulness. I will find simple joy in planting flowers, hanging pictures, planning menus, and turning a house into a home. Already I have taken over decorating his place and am having too much fun doing so.

I can't wait to be Mrs. Glass. :)

Life continued...

It is a Saturday morning in my new room, at my new place and I feel so content. I had eggs for breakfast, cleaned a bit, talked to my mom, and am laying on my bed typing an update. The past few weeks I moved out to a new place, had a legal dispute (which is still ongoing), got the church my fiance and I wanted for the wedding, started pre-marital counseling, worked on my remaining classes, modified my class schedule, applied for jobs, went to business meetings, scheduled vacation days, updated resume, changed addresses, and on it goes.

I am happy. I love my fiance and everyday we're not together I miss him even more. I have hope that things will work out. That I won't be sued (long story), that I'll get my dream job (have an interview this Monday), that I'll pass my classes, get by financially, and come out of everything in one piece. I feel so blessed and have much to look forward to.

So now I'm going to finish unpacking my room, go to Liberty to make up some hours, go grocery shopping, work on my research paper, and then go to a cookout. Tomorrow is the usual church, school and rest. My hope is that I can actually be productive. We shall see how that goes...

Things that make a Molly happy....

Norman Rockwell pictures

Sand between toesies

...and freshly painted nails

New beginngings and fresh starts

Hugs

New shoes

Payday

Root beer

Sleeping in

Puppies and kittens

...and cute babies

Walls adorned with pictures

Libraries

Unexpected compliments

Fishies

Car rides on a Sunday afternoon

Picnics and potlucks

Hymns

Good news

Dark chocolate

God

Sunflowers and daisies

Text messages

Scented candles

A ring on my left hand

Pens that work

Chick flicks

Dressing up

Summer

Green stoplights

Old pictures

Thrift shopping

Kisses

Vacations

John 3:16 & Ps. 46

Saturday morning cartoons

Old books

Ice cream

Christmas

Woot!

Today is my birthday and I am now a young 23 years old...well not till 4pm anyways. :) I have had an interesting past few weeks with graduating, becoming engaged, starting my last summer classes, getting a haircut, applying for jobs (heh), having car breakdowns, being overloaded at work, having a fishy die, and a really fun ballet recital. I'm excited about today...not only is it my birthday, but it's Friday, the sun is shining, and I feel very happy-go-lucky. And this year is my last birthday, last summer, last Thanksgiving and Christmas...being single. It boggles the mind... :)

The best is yet to be...

The scene: Nazi concentration camp. A feeble Jewish woman lays on a cot balanced on the thin line that separates life and death. Kneeling on the ground is her older sister holding her hand.

"Yes Betsie?"
"Corrie, when you leave here you must tell them of this place. You must tell them that there is no pit so deep that Christ is not deeper still. They will believe us because of what we have been through. And...Corrie?"
"Yes?"
"The best is yet to be."

*************************************************************
This is one of my all time favorite quotes. Today's sermon in church was on the importance of priorities. God first. Family second. Church and everything else descends below it. It's almost like a row of dominoes...if properly lined up everything will fall in place. I think priorities is another word for having perspective. (I'm ignoring the irony of me writing this when I have homework to do.) But seriously how often have I heard these phrases? Time is as a vapor; it appeareth and vanisheth away. Our times are in His hands. Redeem the time, for the days are evil.

I have been so tired and stressed the past few weeks. I'm determined now to set aside time everyday to be still before God. It seems that the busier I become the more He gets demoted on my priority list. Sad, but true. The past few days have been filled with teaching, homework, financial stresses, discouragement, hope, hunger, papers, exams, planning, making lists and checking boxes. But I'm trying to get where I won't feel as frantic as my life is now. That, like Jesus, I could sleep soundly in a boat in the mist of a storm.

Simply because the best is yet to be.

Gah...

I really need to get more organized. It's terrible how lethargic I have gotten about my responsibilities. My dream job is to teach, but do I have what it takes to manage a classroom of 20+ students when I'm barely scraping by in life right now? I am pretty sure if I continue and do all the work and get high marks, I'll pass my courses...but gosh it will be cutting it close. As of now I've told my friends to not talk to me until this whole thing is all over. I am sleep-deprived, poor, stressed, and my face is breaking out all over which it never has done before. But if there is one thing I have learned it is this: I will never have it altogether. Nor will I ever be perfect. I will do my best, yes, but if I fail to do so I'll try not to beat myself up; instead I'll try to get up, keep going and try harder. The Lord knows I have so much room for improvement, but He's not done with me yet. I have hope that I can get better and become the person I'm meant to be.

My motivation now is the black robe, tassel and red stole hanging on my coat rack. It's the faces of my family staring back at me from my coffee table. It's the friends that have come along side me to cheer me on. Mostly though, its the unknown kids that I dream of someday getting to teach.

To Be Six Again

Found this on a website...sad how much I relate to it.

To Whom It May Concern:

I hereby officially tender my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&M's are better than money, because you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

When all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset. I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in my youth I matured and learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation, and abused children. I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death. I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets, begging for their next meal. I learned of a world where children knew how to kill....and did!!

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball? I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again. I want to return to the days when reading was fun and music was clean. When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence, and deceit.

I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and prettiest seashell I could find. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills, or where I was going to find money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days of the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

I want to be 6 again.

Life Continued

Oh. My. Goodness. Has it been over a month since I last wrote here? Shows how insanely crazy my life or *cough* I have become. Regardless the weather finally is getting warmer. My toesies are itching to slip into sandals and flip flops instead of the serious close toe shoes/heels I wear all the time. I want to paint my nails too--a cheery pink or lavender color perhaps. But alas I am sick today and cursed with a sore throat and fever which has mostly left, thank goodness. I can't even rest on a sick day though since I have been typing a 20 page paper all day. The things I want to do...read, decorate, cook, even paint toesies are on hold for this monster called school.

Speaking of which, graduation day is looming on me. I am discovering how easily distracted and stressed I become when uh...I'm stressed. I'm trying (vainly it seems...I should be doing homework now) to be self-disciplined and to remain focused. Too many thoughts compete for attention in my mind and I am waaay to concerned with what other people think of me these days. But the voice, the sweet voice whispers "in all your ways acknowledge me and I shall direct thy paths" and "come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest". How I need that rest...the kind where you feel as if you could sleep forever and when you do wake up everything is bright, new and full of possibilities?

Showers of blessings...

...mercy-drops 'round us are falling, but for the showers we plead.

Well school is going better, I dropped a class so my workload is a lot less stressful and easier to manage. It was a good move on my part and I will still be able to see my family for graduation. Only 2 and 1/2 months left of school before I can walk and accept my diploma. Granted, I won't get the real one till a few months later when my class are all over but it will be an exciting moment just the same.

The roommate situation is NOT working out. A girl that seemed to be really interested in my place and even came twice to look at it decided it wasn't the right time for her to move. *sigh* So I'll have to ask my folks to help with rent for a while longer I guess. I'm trying to trust that it's all for my own good though.

I am enjoying my classes and am learning some interesting things, especially in my on-campus Bible class. In other news we got 10 inches of snow, glorious snow. There's nothing more beautiful then a whole world that is hushed by a blanket of whiteness. Even the trees seem still and serene.

Another change that has occurred is that for the first time in my life, I'm not single. It still hasn't sunk in yet and it's not something I tried to bring on myself either. It just happened and I sure wasn't expecting it. Dorky thing is, I'm slowly turning into one of those girls I've made fun of for years. It is exciting and yet really nerve wracking at the same time.

There shall be showers of blessing,
Precious reviving again;
Over the hills and the valleys,
Sound of abundance of rain.

Holding On

If you've knelt beside the rubble of an aching, broken heart,
When the things you gave your life to fell apart;
You're not the first to be acquainted with sorrow, grief or pain,
But the Master promised sunshine after the rain.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

To invest your seed of trust in God in mountains you can't move,
You have risked your life on things you cannot prove;
But to give the things you cannot keep for what you cannot lose,
Is the way to find the joy God has for you.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.
Just in sight!

Silence

I am so stressed to the point of feeling sick to my stomach. I found out today, unless my appeal gets approved, that I won't be able to walk for graduation in May. My family and grandparents have already made plans to be here to celebrate this and I hate that I may have let everyone down. My life feels reduced to stack of to-do lists, homework, and errands to do here and there. I wish I wasn't so serious all the time. I wish I could laugh more often and just plain enjoy life. The fact that I'm here is a miracle right? Each day is a gift, is it not? So why don't I feel that? Why am I so tired, worn, and stressed all the time?

Ugh. What happened to my ambitions--to read, travel, explore, meet people? Each day I find myself wanting a "career" less than ever before. And yet I can't be ungrateful...I have a job, apt, friends, family, good health, and am better off than so many people...God please help me!

Not for the faint of heart....

Today was productive at work. Since I didn't get many emails I flagged all of them to answer tomorrow and made today a "catch-up" day on the stacks and forms I never get around to doing. By 3pm my head was swimming and the compy was starting to blur in front of me. Stupid vertigo. I need to see a specialist or something. I took a long walk, went back and packed up, went home and had a good cry. I cannot give up. I have to keep going. I am so nervous about passing one of my classes, but I have to make it through or I can't walk. Tonight is my ballet class and I hope my head stops hurting by then or I'll never learn my moves for the spring program. On the bright side my friend from my former college spent all weekend with me and I had a great time. She just went home and now I'm kinda sad. If she gets a job here she'll be my roommate, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high in that regard. If I may use a sports analogy, I feel as if I'm sitting on the bench with a broken leg and am waiting for one of those motivating "win one for the gipper" speeches. To be fair, there have been some good things happening and yet I can't enjoy it completely because I'm afraid it will disappear if I do. I sure hope it will all be worth it in the end.

Warm fuzzies

It's almost one in the morning, but seeing I haven't posted something in a while I wanted to write a quick post. I'm tired and sleepy, but very happy. And no, I haven't been drinking... I'm still doing too much, have no roommate, am worrying about finances, feeling drained every day, and yet I'm happy. A wonderful paradox.

My life so far...

So this weekend has been quite eventful... er, depending on your definition of that. Yesterday on the way home from work, I stopped by the thrift store to find items to decorate my apartment with. It is becoming a new hobby/obsession for me and I'm thrilled with the way my place is slowly progressing into the home I envision it to be. For I don't want to just have a place to "live in" however long-term or temporary it may be. I really want to make the most of what I have now, instead of waiting for something bigger or better. I want it to reflect my personalities while making it a welcoming place for my friends. I bought a poster today of the Brooklyn bridge that I'll have framed, am looking into painting and/or wallpapering, along with trying to find more pictures, rugs, plants, etc. It's a nice way to take a break from the stresses of school/work.

Speaking of which, it's getting quite busy at work and a part of me prefers it that way since it makes the day go by faster. However, I am more tired by the time I go home and have little energy left to clean, make dinner, do homework, talk to friends, etc. Small wonder I look forward to the weekend. Graduation, effective tomorrow, is in 96 more days and I'm super excited about it. Finally got to talk to my folks today and made plans for them to come up for the event. I need to schedule vacation days from work for graduation weekend, buy my books for next sub-term, send out the rest of my invites, and just get on top of things. I also I have my internship details to work out, but as of now it's on the back of my mind.

Still haven't be able to find a roommate, but I'm slowing coming to peace with it. My folks agreed to help out financially as long as I'm contributing what I can. Perhaps I need to be by myself for a few months. Regardless, I'm going to accept my situation roommate or not.

Today I walked one whole mile and proved to myself how out of shape I am. It showed me I need to make my health more of a priority so I'm going to try to walk everyday. Afterwards I did laundry, made dinner, and did some reading. It occurred to me I haven't written on the blog in a while so I'm jotting a random note here. Now I need to get back to homework. But I ask you, what are you working towards? It makes life much more interesting to have a goal.

Carried to the Table, by Leeland

I love this song; I'm performing to it for my recital.

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

Hum...

Today was bleh. I am trying to cling to Romans 8:28; that everything will work out in the end. Mostly I would love to go on an adventure--to the other side of the world, or go see Broadway, or go canoeing, or find opportunities to perform. And I want to randomly say I have awesome friends. Now I havta get on my homework.

Keeping the faith...

Just got back from a whirlwind weekend trip to see a friend in northern VA. I had a good time and got my nails done, bought some cute clothes on sale, shopped around the mall, ate at Panera, went to an itty bitty country church, played with dogs, and had a relaxing time overall. I'm happy I was able to go and see her again.

As of now, I'm kinda feeling discouraged and hoping things work out with my roommate situation and that I'll pass my classes so I can graduate. I feel like I've worked too hard and am too close to give up now. I think my mantra now is to just do the next thing. So I'm going to write my 28 verses on index cards, work my way down the list of stuff to do...and to try to trust that everything will work out.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Balance

While reading my previous post I was amused at my laments on how I was going to get everything done--and school hadn't even started yet. But I'm realizing the answer is: I won't. My friend calls me a workaholic and many times I'm at the office frantically feeling like I need to do "just one more thing". However I recall someone saying "don't fill your life with good things if you are going to miss the best". Highlights of my day? Seeing my friend in convo. Getting a hug from a returning student. The chance to step outside and feel the Arctic air. A beautiful hymn that calmed my soul. And the keen realization that life is short. This season of being a full time student and worker is teaching me about balance. I won't accomplish it all, but I can make room for the best.

So tonight I'm temporally ignoring some friends to make headway on my homework, make tomato soup, clean and go to bed early. Sleep. Ah the best. I also need to make my grocery list and clean out the refrigerator. Then Friday I'm going to visit a friend I have not seen for two years. It's been a while since I had a mini-vacation...uh Christmas doesn't count lol, seems so long ago already.

As the clock ticks...

my eyelids grow heavier and yet I fight to stay awake. The bills are stacked on a table, still unpaid. Days flip by on the calender and yet there are still school books to buy, laundry to put away, bills to pay, dishes to wash, and for some reason I don't feel like doing anything. It feels my efforts to do everything is at the expense of sleep and I just wish time could freeze for me. How is everything going to get done?

Voice of Truth

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are
by Casting Crowns