Running Away....

I want to be somewhere else and today I think I will. Maybe go to the civil war cemetary and read. Course, that place in the pic looks neat too...

:(

My word...what a wretched person I am! Someone once wrote, we have met our enemy and it is ourselves. That is all.

Yay for Saturdays!

I slept in, made a big bfast, had coffee, watched tv, read a great book, went shopping and got 10 new outfits for 30 dollars :), came home, did laundry, finished my book and just relaxed. Anyone wonder why I love the weekend? Oh, and I get to go home for Christmas! :) I'm still thinking deep thoughts, still being tempted and tried, and still struggling.

A quote from the book I read today: "We all have need of healing. And while our world spends billions of dollars each year on pills, potions, and procedures, it is all a shadow of what we need most. What good is a life prolonged if it only extends the season of cowardice and sin? What good is a new heart if it's only to be filled with hate or regret--or new eyes, if all they can see is criticism and intolerance?"

Hope

Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions;
According to Your mercy, remember me,
For Your goodness sake, O Lord.
For Your name's sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
My eyes are ever towards the Lord,
For He shall pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have enlarged;
Oh, bring me out of my distresses!
Look on my affliction and pain,
And forgive all my sins.

I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

Ps. 25: 6-7, 11, 15-18; 116: 1-2

Hum...

Yes. I know it is midnight and I should be in bed. I am eating a late dinner of lucky charms while watching Bill Cosby and typing this. I have a zillion thoughts racing in my mind, like how I need to clean up the kitchen and my room, sign up for new classes, change my address on other stuff, write my grocery list, pluck my eyebrows, write a thank you note, load the dishwasher, and other boring mundane tasks. Today I worked for two hours, went out to eat, and came home and piddled on the compy for the rest of the evening. I can't wait for next Friday which is when I get off from work due to me volunteering to work on Labor day. Just a couple more weeks till my benefits kick in which means I'll finally have my own insurance. First thing I'm gonna do is get braces...I can't wait to have straight teeth!

Procrastinate? Ah, I'll do that tomorrow.

Wootah! Due to some Internet issues the deadline for my online class has been extended (for the second time) to Wednesday. Originally, it was due last night so this is great news for this cute procrastinator (aka me). Still I'm going to kick in gear (does that sound familiar?) and get half of my work done tonight and the other half tomorrow. Then I'm off for four 1/2 weeks! Yay, cuz I'm so weary. Being a full time student and worker is not as easy as some people think it is. I don't know how moms with 3 or 4 kids do it, since those make up the bulk of our DLP students. So anyways, I'm getting of of this thing and actually being responsible ;). Let's hope I finish well...

So...

As happy I am for my friend who (you know who you are) is planning to going back to school, I'm not. (I'll miss you!) September 15th I'll go back to school again--even if there is a two week overlap in the last two terms, but I need a break. Again. Within the past three weeks, I have literally turn my life upside down and everything is different from what it was before. I have a new residence, roommate, routines...new everything and all because of some drama that I don't wish to go into here. But it is behind me and I have this chance at a fresh start that I don't want to waste. I'm sad and down, but also energized. This new apartment is slowing becoming "my place", and I have the freedom to come and go as I please.

I have so many plans and ambitions that I want to accomplish. I still want to take ballet again, and I'm kicking in gear in looking for a car now. Still going to finish my degree (after the aforesaid break), decorate my place, go on a retreat to the beach in October, and see my folks again for either Thanksgiving or Christmas...yea there is still much to look forward to. For the first time, I truly feel independent. I'm budgeting the little money I have :), making my own (sometimes boxed, heh) lunches the night before, exercising almost every evening after dinner, and just enjoying being the queen of my little domain. I have a lot of less stress too (not completely gone, but manageable), and life is just slower-paced and calmer now.

It is not often that I get to have tears of joy.

Let Me Sing

I wanna open up my eyes
And see a more beautiful world
Let the hand of God Almighty
Sweep his colors through my life
I wanna hold tight to the laughter
And ride it like a child
On the winds that billow joyful
Through the sky

I wanna open up my heart
But you know, sometimes it's hard to find
Because I've buried it beneath the selfishness
That I've hidden behind
I wanna stand my ground unshaken
But I wanna tremble when I kneel
And let my song remain unbroken
Through the tears

So let me sing for the love
Let me love for the lost
Let me lose all I have
For what I found on the cross
Let me trust you with my life
Let me live to give you praise
Lord, let me praise you
For the grace by which I'm saved
Lord, let me sing

I wanna open up Your word
And let the thirsty enter in
So they can drink deep of the water
You have given to them
I want to run the race with vigor
I want to fight the fight with strength
And let my song rise from a whisper
To a scream

I wanna open up my arms
And embrace that old rugged cross
I wanna take pride in the reason
And be humbled by the cause
And when this lisping, stamm'ring tongue
Lies silent in the grave
Then in a nobler, sweeter song,
I'll sing your praise
I'll sing your praise

So let me sing for the love
Let me love for the lost
Let me lose all I have
For what I found on the cross
Let me trust you with my life
Let me live to give you praise
Lord, let me praise you
For the grace by which I'm saved
Lord, let me sing