Random Thought

This quote energizes me every time I read it.

We have to live faithfully the time He has given us and not waste it. God is giving you a "pause" in your life. It will not last for long I assure you. But what a gift! Grab it! Take hold of it and use it for His glory. It is your time to be still, know that He is God, trust and obey. Fill your time with serving, learning, teaching, and doing.
Elizabeth Elliot on singleness

Stress and more stress

So this Wednesday I have a major project due that is worth 20% of my grade and I'm trying so hard not to freak out about it. I've done a lot, but still have a lot more to finish. And I also have, on the same day, a presentation to give for another class. At least my power points are done; I just needa figure out what to say and somehow be coherent at the same time. One of my pet peeves is when people finish a speech by saying "that's it" or "oh I'm done". Um, didn't you have time to write a conclusion to give? So I don't want to do that in mine. I'm a firm believer in being as professional as possible, but I'll get off my soapbox now.

I just remembered I have a library book due back tomorrow, better pull that out so I don't forget it. I was really happy this morning when my prof said we didn't have to take the last test if we were happy with the first three. Since I am, I'll have extra time to put the finishing touches on my project before I turn it in. Tomorrow is rehearsal for my presentation and I needa go to the library before that and print a bunch of stuff off and then go to the art lab. And I'm getting behind at work which is not good cuz it's only going to get busier.

On a bright spot though, I'm finally okay. Most of you might be scratchin your heads and saying "huh?", but that's cuz there is a lot you don't know about me. And the past several months I have been so burdened/stressed that I've lost 20 pounds without trying, skipped periods, lost my appetite, have/had dizzy spells and on it goes. The only explanation the doc could give was that it was stress related. Which is an extremely helpful diagnosis btw. *eyeroll* But Sunday morning, I couldn't do it any more. I went forward to the altar and told God that I was giving it up to Him. In other words all these problems are not really mine to deal with--it's His responsibility now. Which is funny cuz it truthfully is, but I wasn't living like it. So now I feel as if the weight of the world is off my shoulders. My circumstances are the still the same, but my joy is back. And...I've gained 5 pounds. Yay, my clothes fit better now :)

Summer come quickly!

I am learning an annoying program at work that has a bunch of time consuming steps one must do before he or she can accomplish anything significant. During the whole training session, I kept thinking how nice it would be to be sitting on the shore of a beach, with the sun beating down my back, and a good book in my hand. Ah, it's just relaxing just thinking about it.

For some reason, I want this summer to be really memorable. This is the first summer I am really on my own and I want for it to be great one. A time to life to the fullest, inhale all the knowledge I can, and be a better person for it when the few months have gone by. My last summer was spent in my parents house while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life--which I do not recommend. Assuming I get my first car by then (Lord puhlease!), I wanna go camping in the mountains, take mini-road trips, go to parties, take dancing lessons, and just go somewhere! I feel as if I will explode if I don't. An exaggeration maybe, but not much.

For that reason, I'm not taking summer classes. I need a break from school and I have a feeling that this is my last summer where I can do what I want (besides working). I don't know what the next season may bring so it only makes sense to take advantage of the time I have now. I plan to not only to spend time doing the things I mentioned earlier, but to also spend it with a great love of mine--reading. Not for research, school, or to get ahead--but for fun. How I miss that.

Thought of the Day

This made me pause for a moment. To think that the nation's greatest president felt this way.

"I am oftimes driven to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I have nowhere else to go."
Abraham Lincoln

Seizing the moments, but how?

I wanna go and
meet new people,
live big,
explore,
have an adventure,
and make new memories,
though....I'm just unsure how to go about it,
but the willingness is there.

After all, I will be in my 20's only one time.

Any ideas?

Nostalgia

Today I really had this desire to take ballet again. I danced for five years, starting when I was nine and stopping around 14 years of age. Since then I miss leaping on the spring wooded floors, doing plies until my muscles screamed for deliverance, and dancing my heart out. I keep thinking I'm too old to go back and dance again (I turn 22 next month), but I did my research and a ballet school in town has classes for 18+ year old. Wootah! The only thing that's keeping me back is that tuition is *gulp* so expensive. Plus the leotards, shoes, and other stuff that I would need to buy. Maybe after I get my first car I'll start saving up for private lessons. Who knows, I might dance again this summer! I would love to go back, though I'm sure it would be different from what I remember. A second reality that I have to consider is a lack of time. I work 30 hours a week, and go to school full time. At this point, I'm so tired by the end of the day that I'd doubt I'd have the energy to do 500+ frappes on the floor.

But basically I just want to perform again. There is nothing more thrilling for me then being on stage whether its a speech competition, play, sign-language choir, or a ballet performance. I love to perform and seeing people enjoy it. What I don't like is watching a performance; I'd rather be involved and participating in it. At the church I go to now there is a sign-language choir that was recently started and I'll probably join next week. Just take baby steps and all that jazz.

Another random thought I had was that I need to read Jane Eyre. Don't ask me why I should, but I've never read it and almost everyone I know has. Besides it's a classic apparently. This summer I just want to skip school for a few months and do nuttin ('sides working) but read. I miss that so much--reading. I only read for school now and that has kinda turned me off to reading. Because now it feels like work when I pick up a book and I want to change that. For some reason, I'm really in an ambitious mode this week. Who knows how long that will last for?

Happenings...

Said goodbye to the folks today or more specifically my mom and bro. I was a little sad though I enjoyed the drive back through the mountains (even if I did get lost two times *sheepish grin*). At least I now have time to get my homework done that was due yesterday, ugh. And, ironically, my last assignment was an essay I wrote about the importance of being disciplined. Yea right. I am now praying for a ride to work tomorrow with my co-worker so I don't havta see the creepy Spanish man on the city bus who keeps asking me out for the umpteenth time. *sigh* She hasn't texted me back yet so I'm getting a little antsy. If all else fails I'm seriously thinking of calling in sick so I can get some rest and things done, though I have not once done that-ever-so I dunno if I would actually do it. I will be done with that job by May 13th, after that I will be working full-time at Liberty :) which is a huge relief. Oh joy, I just remembered tomorrow is laundry day. Blah, no sleep for me.

Encouraging others...

Well my friend tells me I needa update my blog or more accurately nags me to do so ;) So I will try to be more faithful to update this from here on out. I remember my first and favorite youth pastor once started our Sunday School by looking at each of us with tear-filled eyes and saying, "There are people, hurting, outside these walls." I'd think it be even more accurate to say that the churches shelter hurting people too, probably more so because it's harder to be open about it. We seem to have this idea that our Christianity needs to be an artificial, Pollyanna, slap-happy, "ain't nuttin wrong with me" type of faith.

I finally got around to reading my school newspaper from April 1st. Front page headline was a student that died a few weeks back. Students reminisced about his kindness, how he went the extra mile, and his willingness to serve. But, and this is the part that haunts me, did he know that? Did he know how much of an impact his life had? I suspect his death was a suicide though the paper doesn't say. But if it was, why did he? Could it be he felt he wasn't making a difference, that his life didn't matter?

Life is hard. I learn that more and more each day. Many of my friends are going through heartaches and crisis and I am challenged to reconsider and think "what is my role in these situations"? I believe it is to encourage others. Since I tend to be self-centered and overly anxious, I often fall short of that. Philippians tells me to "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others". I really, really, want to be like that and I can only hope the Lord will help me do so.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus


What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.