Snippets of Everyday Moments--Present and Future

Teaching mathematics. Sadness. Hiking Sharptop mountain. Old hymns. Introduction to counseling. Hugs. Dance lessons. Friendships. Sending emails. Dreams. Finishing a good book. Home. Practicing ASL. Ah soul are you here without comfort or rest, marching down the rough pathway of time?

Hope. Shopping. Shivering in a cold car. Beach retreat. Hurting. Trying a new recipe. Old friends. Does Jesus care when my way grows dark, with nameless dread or fear?

Re-arranging furniture. Journaling. Updating blog. Anticipation. Instant messaging. Frustration. Thunder. There is within my spirit tonight, rolls a melody sweeter than psalm.

Sunsets. Short prayers. Cleaning. Long talks with mom. Texting. Writing poems. Oh yes, He cares. I know He cares. His heart is touched with my grief.

Sleep. At last.

Favorite Movie Quote

Sam: By rights we shouldn’t even be here, but we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo… the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. How could the end be happy? How can the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it’s only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it’ll shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stayed with you that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.

-Lord of the Rings

Reflection

It is the weekend yet again. Though I didn't sleep in for as long as I wanted to, I still feel well rested. I got my ballet uniform and shoes last night and I'm so excited to begin my classes this Monday. It has been one of my dreams to go on pointe and I'm ready to work towards that. :)

The other day after I left work, I jumped in my car for the sojourn home and when I started it...nothing. I looked at my steering and realized I left my headlights on--all day. Dagumit. So it had to be jump started by a poor fellow who I'm sure was just as eager to get home as I was. Being the paranoid person I am, I bought a brand new battery just in case. My friend, who shall remain nameless, made me get a free test last night at an auto shop. Alas it appears to be fine, so I will take the new one back and use my money for better things like--ah I don't know. I'm sure some random bill will arrive and snatch it away.

So this past year has been one of the hardest I can remember. I will spare my readers the details, but I am learning now how to move on. This is actually freeing when I'm able to remember to do so. As the apostle Paul said, "but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." So even more than having things to look forward to, such as making new friends, decorating my apartment, taking ballet lessons, I look forward to the day when I can look back and see how it's made me in to the person God wanted me.

As one of my favorite hymns says:

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still 'tis His hand that leadeth me.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since 'tis my God that leadeth me.

The Rainy Day

A friend of mine shared a poem today written by Tennyson and it made me want to look up all the poems I've liked. I'm including one here written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Happiness

AHHH! I love people! Whether talking for a hour after church or hanging out with old and new chums, I am at my happiest when I'm around people. I mean I know I need God and He helps me in many ways, but life seems much more bearable when you have others to share it with and to support you. I can't believe I have lived without this interaction for almost a year. No wonder I was so tired and discouraged most of the time. One of my interpreters at school wants to go out to lunch with me this week or next so I'm looking forward to it. :)

And...I got an email back from a dance studio in town and there is still time to sign up/audition for an adult ballet class. I am soooo jazzed about it! It's going to be like seeing an old friend when I put the leotard and ballet slippers on again.

I needa get make dinner and some chores done so I can go to bed. Farewell my friends.

A New Chapter

Ah, I love the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My roommate thinks I look just like the actress Nia Vardalos--after she gets all primped up that is. :) I guess what is inspirational to me is that she didn't give in to the pressures to "find someone" but rather set out to follow her dreams. Of course along the way she met "him", but it seems to similar what I should do with my life. Enjoy it to the fullest, go after my dreams, and not be too concerned with what other people think of me.

And I just realized, I went after one of my dreams this week and got my car. I love it! The freedoms, independence, and sheesh, why didn't I get one a long time ago? Well I didn't have the money, but oh well. But now that I have a car I'm going to try to be involved with church and other social functions. I think that's one reason why this past year has been so hard--not getting to be around people as often as I wanted or needed to.

I have new ideas I want to implement at work to hopefully make things more streamlined and efficient--not that I have a lot to do anyways. Oh, and I start two online classes in a couple weeks and I'm actually looking forward to them. Anything to bring me one step closer to graduation day in May 2009. I'm taking counseling and teaching math which I think will be more interesting than my previous classes. Now that I have a car, I'm going to look at ballet lessons once again--after several long years of waiting. :D

Sleepless in seatle...or wherever

Yes. I know. It is 3:30 in the morning and therefore I'm insane. But that's what happens when you don't get home until 6pm after working all day. I made a baked potato for dinner with all the trimmings, and attempted to watch a movie with my roommate--but fell asleep on the couch not long after the opening credits. So I woke up and panicked when I saw the time on my laptop was 11:30. My thought was I overslept and totally missed my ride to work...till I realized it was pm and not am. And I have been awake ever since.

I'm picking up my car at the DMV this morning at 8 so I've been looking up info and seeing what I have to bring. I've got my documents together, my check, and other stuff all neatly stacked near my purse at the door. I still feel like I'm forgetting something important though. Argh, I hate that feeling. I'm going to be very broke for a while, but I guess you can't put a price tag on independence. I'm sure Aimee will enjoy the extra few minutes of sleep, but I know I'll miss the random moments that keep me from taking myself too seriously. Her sign language skills are improving so rapidly--I feel like a proud momma. We had a convo in sign during lunch today and we only talked about other people around us. The poor souls. It was so hilarious. :)

Only two more days till the weekend. I'm going to be so dead when it comes. There's been way too much drama this week, but I'm going wash my hands of it. Hopefully, it can only get better from here on out...