Reflection

It is the weekend yet again. Though I didn't sleep in for as long as I wanted to, I still feel well rested. I got my ballet uniform and shoes last night and I'm so excited to begin my classes this Monday. It has been one of my dreams to go on pointe and I'm ready to work towards that. :)

The other day after I left work, I jumped in my car for the sojourn home and when I started it...nothing. I looked at my steering and realized I left my headlights on--all day. Dagumit. So it had to be jump started by a poor fellow who I'm sure was just as eager to get home as I was. Being the paranoid person I am, I bought a brand new battery just in case. My friend, who shall remain nameless, made me get a free test last night at an auto shop. Alas it appears to be fine, so I will take the new one back and use my money for better things like--ah I don't know. I'm sure some random bill will arrive and snatch it away.

So this past year has been one of the hardest I can remember. I will spare my readers the details, but I am learning now how to move on. This is actually freeing when I'm able to remember to do so. As the apostle Paul said, "but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." So even more than having things to look forward to, such as making new friends, decorating my apartment, taking ballet lessons, I look forward to the day when I can look back and see how it's made me in to the person God wanted me.

As one of my favorite hymns says:

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom,
By waters still, over troubled sea,
Still 'tis His hand that leadeth me.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since 'tis my God that leadeth me.

Happiness

AHHH! I love people! Whether talking for a hour after church or hanging out with old and new chums, I am at my happiest when I'm around people. I mean I know I need God and He helps me in many ways, but life seems much more bearable when you have others to share it with and to support you. I can't believe I have lived without this interaction for almost a year. No wonder I was so tired and discouraged most of the time. One of my interpreters at school wants to go out to lunch with me this week or next so I'm looking forward to it. :)

And...I got an email back from a dance studio in town and there is still time to sign up/audition for an adult ballet class. I am soooo jazzed about it! It's going to be like seeing an old friend when I put the leotard and ballet slippers on again.

I needa get make dinner and some chores done so I can go to bed. Farewell my friends.

A New Chapter

Ah, I love the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My roommate thinks I look just like the actress Nia Vardalos--after she gets all primped up that is. :) I guess what is inspirational to me is that she didn't give in to the pressures to "find someone" but rather set out to follow her dreams. Of course along the way she met "him", but it seems to similar what I should do with my life. Enjoy it to the fullest, go after my dreams, and not be too concerned with what other people think of me.

And I just realized, I went after one of my dreams this week and got my car. I love it! The freedoms, independence, and sheesh, why didn't I get one a long time ago? Well I didn't have the money, but oh well. But now that I have a car I'm going to try to be involved with church and other social functions. I think that's one reason why this past year has been so hard--not getting to be around people as often as I wanted or needed to.

I have new ideas I want to implement at work to hopefully make things more streamlined and efficient--not that I have a lot to do anyways. Oh, and I start two online classes in a couple weeks and I'm actually looking forward to them. Anything to bring me one step closer to graduation day in May 2009. I'm taking counseling and teaching math which I think will be more interesting than my previous classes. Now that I have a car, I'm going to look at ballet lessons once again--after several long years of waiting. :D

Nostalgia

Today I really had this desire to take ballet again. I danced for five years, starting when I was nine and stopping around 14 years of age. Since then I miss leaping on the spring wooded floors, doing plies until my muscles screamed for deliverance, and dancing my heart out. I keep thinking I'm too old to go back and dance again (I turn 22 next month), but I did my research and a ballet school in town has classes for 18+ year old. Wootah! The only thing that's keeping me back is that tuition is *gulp* so expensive. Plus the leotards, shoes, and other stuff that I would need to buy. Maybe after I get my first car I'll start saving up for private lessons. Who knows, I might dance again this summer! I would love to go back, though I'm sure it would be different from what I remember. A second reality that I have to consider is a lack of time. I work 30 hours a week, and go to school full time. At this point, I'm so tired by the end of the day that I'd doubt I'd have the energy to do 500+ frappes on the floor.

But basically I just want to perform again. There is nothing more thrilling for me then being on stage whether its a speech competition, play, sign-language choir, or a ballet performance. I love to perform and seeing people enjoy it. What I don't like is watching a performance; I'd rather be involved and participating in it. At the church I go to now there is a sign-language choir that was recently started and I'll probably join next week. Just take baby steps and all that jazz.

Another random thought I had was that I need to read Jane Eyre. Don't ask me why I should, but I've never read it and almost everyone I know has. Besides it's a classic apparently. This summer I just want to skip school for a few months and do nuttin ('sides working) but read. I miss that so much--reading. I only read for school now and that has kinda turned me off to reading. Because now it feels like work when I pick up a book and I want to change that. For some reason, I'm really in an ambitious mode this week. Who knows how long that will last for?