Graduation Obsessions

There is no other way to describe it. I can't stop thinking about the day I write the last page of a paper, and close the last book (figuratively). I am weary of school. And my job--honestly much as I appreciate it, isn't fulfilling. Many grandiose dreams of moving somewhere and starting over is beginning to appeal to me.

Before I decided to transfer colleges, I considered not completing my degree and going straight into the workforce. One such job I really wanted to do (and still do) was to be a nanny/governess. I was almost hired by a military couple in D.C. who had a 2 year boy and a newborn on the way. I would watch them 60 hours a week, have my own room, eat with the family, take them on outings, appointments, do light housekeeping and whatever else the job requested. I was so thrilled to be considered for the position, but at the last minute they decided not hire me.

I remember how disappointed I was--since it was my dream job and everything. In the end it was good because I ended up going to Liberty and obtained a job and the opportunity to finish my degree. So as it stands now, I will graduate with my Bachelor of Science degree in May. Will I stay for 2-3 more years and get my Masters? Honestly, I don't know. My dad thinks I should take advantage of it and it makes sense to me, but I am getting restless here. A part of me wants to take the diploma and move on.

So today I renewed my account with an agency that places candidates with families and posted that I was available in May 2009. I don't know if anything will come out of it, but I'm thinking that I should keep as many options open as I can. Also, I need to get certified for first aid and CPR since that will be beneficial regardless of whether or not I end up in this field.

Dreams. I still remember that quote, "It is not what you dream that determines what you become. It is what you do--everyday of your life." It is kind of exciting not knowing how this will turn out.

Rest

I slept in this morning and woke up determined to have a great weekend. I puttered around the apartment and then drove over to one of my favorite clothing stores to window shop--not that I can buy anything, but it's always fun to look. It gives me ideas of how I can put outfits together in different ways. I know that sounds shallow, but it helps me to make the most of what I already have. After that I decided to treat myself to lunch since I don't go out to eat anymore. Amazing how many different looks people give you when you eat alone. I had Mexican food which is one of my favorites so I didn't really care. Now that I'm back I made three cups of coffee (ah warmth!) and feel really motivated to get stuff done--only I need to clean up around here so I can find what I'm looking for. Later I'm going grocery shopping to get some food for the week ahead.

I need to start working out more so I'm going to start easing into a routine of doing so this weekend. On a serious side, I am giving thought as to what I'm doing everyday to go after my dreams. Am I taking deliberate steps to get to where I want to go or am I just drifting? I do know that it is not what you dream that determines what you become-it is what you do everyday of your life.

Adulthood

Why is being an adult so disappointing? We spend our whole childhood looking forward to this mysterious stage in life where we can do what we want and go wherever we wish. Only we find out it doesn't exactly work that way. A lot of people still act like they did in high school-immature and self-centered.

Speaking for myself, I feel so stuck most days. All I ever do is work, sleep, and eat and I can't help but wonder if I left my best years behind me. In high school I was a leader of a community service club, a newsletter editor, a choir member, a team leader for my youth group, and a winner of several oratorical competitions which I really miss doing. My senior year I capped my high school career by placing 4th in the nation. Upon returning home the mayor asked me to be the guest speaker for the city's flag day ceremony. Those days were exciting. I felt like I was contributing and working towards great things.

Now? I'm just another adult in this great country that drives to and from work every day, fixes dinner, tries to stay awake to do homework, and goes to bed. Then repeats the same routine everyday for who knows how long. I want to do those big things I used to do. As a friend of mine said, "...it seems like adult life squelches the dreams of one's youth, but hopefully they can be rekindled".

A New Chapter

Ah, I love the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My roommate thinks I look just like the actress Nia Vardalos--after she gets all primped up that is. :) I guess what is inspirational to me is that she didn't give in to the pressures to "find someone" but rather set out to follow her dreams. Of course along the way she met "him", but it seems to similar what I should do with my life. Enjoy it to the fullest, go after my dreams, and not be too concerned with what other people think of me.

And I just realized, I went after one of my dreams this week and got my car. I love it! The freedoms, independence, and sheesh, why didn't I get one a long time ago? Well I didn't have the money, but oh well. But now that I have a car I'm going to try to be involved with church and other social functions. I think that's one reason why this past year has been so hard--not getting to be around people as often as I wanted or needed to.

I have new ideas I want to implement at work to hopefully make things more streamlined and efficient--not that I have a lot to do anyways. Oh, and I start two online classes in a couple weeks and I'm actually looking forward to them. Anything to bring me one step closer to graduation day in May 2009. I'm taking counseling and teaching math which I think will be more interesting than my previous classes. Now that I have a car, I'm going to look at ballet lessons once again--after several long years of waiting. :D