Summer come quickly!

I am learning an annoying program at work that has a bunch of time consuming steps one must do before he or she can accomplish anything significant. During the whole training session, I kept thinking how nice it would be to be sitting on the shore of a beach, with the sun beating down my back, and a good book in my hand. Ah, it's just relaxing just thinking about it.

For some reason, I want this summer to be really memorable. This is the first summer I am really on my own and I want for it to be great one. A time to life to the fullest, inhale all the knowledge I can, and be a better person for it when the few months have gone by. My last summer was spent in my parents house while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life--which I do not recommend. Assuming I get my first car by then (Lord puhlease!), I wanna go camping in the mountains, take mini-road trips, go to parties, take dancing lessons, and just go somewhere! I feel as if I will explode if I don't. An exaggeration maybe, but not much.

For that reason, I'm not taking summer classes. I need a break from school and I have a feeling that this is my last summer where I can do what I want (besides working). I don't know what the next season may bring so it only makes sense to take advantage of the time I have now. I plan to not only to spend time doing the things I mentioned earlier, but to also spend it with a great love of mine--reading. Not for research, school, or to get ahead--but for fun. How I miss that.

Thought of the Day

This made me pause for a moment. To think that the nation's greatest president felt this way.

"I am oftimes driven to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I have nowhere else to go."
Abraham Lincoln

Seizing the moments, but how?

I wanna go and
meet new people,
live big,
explore,
have an adventure,
and make new memories,
though....I'm just unsure how to go about it,
but the willingness is there.

After all, I will be in my 20's only one time.

Any ideas?

Nostalgia

Today I really had this desire to take ballet again. I danced for five years, starting when I was nine and stopping around 14 years of age. Since then I miss leaping on the spring wooded floors, doing plies until my muscles screamed for deliverance, and dancing my heart out. I keep thinking I'm too old to go back and dance again (I turn 22 next month), but I did my research and a ballet school in town has classes for 18+ year old. Wootah! The only thing that's keeping me back is that tuition is *gulp* so expensive. Plus the leotards, shoes, and other stuff that I would need to buy. Maybe after I get my first car I'll start saving up for private lessons. Who knows, I might dance again this summer! I would love to go back, though I'm sure it would be different from what I remember. A second reality that I have to consider is a lack of time. I work 30 hours a week, and go to school full time. At this point, I'm so tired by the end of the day that I'd doubt I'd have the energy to do 500+ frappes on the floor.

But basically I just want to perform again. There is nothing more thrilling for me then being on stage whether its a speech competition, play, sign-language choir, or a ballet performance. I love to perform and seeing people enjoy it. What I don't like is watching a performance; I'd rather be involved and participating in it. At the church I go to now there is a sign-language choir that was recently started and I'll probably join next week. Just take baby steps and all that jazz.

Another random thought I had was that I need to read Jane Eyre. Don't ask me why I should, but I've never read it and almost everyone I know has. Besides it's a classic apparently. This summer I just want to skip school for a few months and do nuttin ('sides working) but read. I miss that so much--reading. I only read for school now and that has kinda turned me off to reading. Because now it feels like work when I pick up a book and I want to change that. For some reason, I'm really in an ambitious mode this week. Who knows how long that will last for?

Happenings...

Said goodbye to the folks today or more specifically my mom and bro. I was a little sad though I enjoyed the drive back through the mountains (even if I did get lost two times *sheepish grin*). At least I now have time to get my homework done that was due yesterday, ugh. And, ironically, my last assignment was an essay I wrote about the importance of being disciplined. Yea right. I am now praying for a ride to work tomorrow with my co-worker so I don't havta see the creepy Spanish man on the city bus who keeps asking me out for the umpteenth time. *sigh* She hasn't texted me back yet so I'm getting a little antsy. If all else fails I'm seriously thinking of calling in sick so I can get some rest and things done, though I have not once done that-ever-so I dunno if I would actually do it. I will be done with that job by May 13th, after that I will be working full-time at Liberty :) which is a huge relief. Oh joy, I just remembered tomorrow is laundry day. Blah, no sleep for me.

Encouraging others...

Well my friend tells me I needa update my blog or more accurately nags me to do so ;) So I will try to be more faithful to update this from here on out. I remember my first and favorite youth pastor once started our Sunday School by looking at each of us with tear-filled eyes and saying, "There are people, hurting, outside these walls." I'd think it be even more accurate to say that the churches shelter hurting people too, probably more so because it's harder to be open about it. We seem to have this idea that our Christianity needs to be an artificial, Pollyanna, slap-happy, "ain't nuttin wrong with me" type of faith.

I finally got around to reading my school newspaper from April 1st. Front page headline was a student that died a few weeks back. Students reminisced about his kindness, how he went the extra mile, and his willingness to serve. But, and this is the part that haunts me, did he know that? Did he know how much of an impact his life had? I suspect his death was a suicide though the paper doesn't say. But if it was, why did he? Could it be he felt he wasn't making a difference, that his life didn't matter?

Life is hard. I learn that more and more each day. Many of my friends are going through heartaches and crisis and I am challenged to reconsider and think "what is my role in these situations"? I believe it is to encourage others. Since I tend to be self-centered and overly anxious, I often fall short of that. Philippians tells me to "let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others". I really, really, want to be like that and I can only hope the Lord will help me do so.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus


What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Peace...or lack thereof

Alone. I'm sitting on my bed, watching the kitten breathe in and out, his little chest rising and falling. His eyes are squished shut like a little old Chinese man. He seems so happy and yet all he does is eat and sleep. What I would give to have a life like that...And as I beg God to pursue me, and keep me from doing something stupid that would wreck havoc on the rest of my life, I'm trying to pull myself together.

Pensive. I'm thinking though too many things and trying to calm my racing heart. Trying to remind myself to be still. And just to take things one day at a time. That somehow everything will get done--and if not, it won't be the end of the world.

Amused. Yesterday, a girl I babysat dropped her sandwich in her cup of water, let it soak and promptly drank out of it before I or anyone else could stop her. Aghast I asked, "Why did you do THAT?" She replied, "cuz I wanted to!" Well duh, good reason as any. But what would I do if, like her, I didn't care what people thought? An interesting thing to speculate.

Perspective. I also rode the bus yesterday, which I do two or three times week. And I've noticed, riding the bus changes the way I look at the city around me. I feel more like a visitor, a tourist. Here for a just sojourn--passing through instead of being someone who left her hometown, family, and friends to move here. I notice the old buildings, people relaxing on their front porches. I see a lady driving a fancy, yellow bug with a black top. She sports an obviously artificial tan and pulls out a cigarette as the bus turns in the opposite direction. I notice how lethargic the passengers seem and how hurried the outside world is in contrast. Conversations banter around though I don't join in, but I find myself leisurely running through my to do list. The moment I step off though, my little brain perks up and wants to get back into the grind. Eh, how I dislike being a grownup at times.

Wonderful Peace

Far away in the depths of my spirit tonight
Rolls a melody sweeter than psalm;
In celestial strains it unceasingly falls
O’er my soul like an infinite calm.

Refrain

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above!
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray
In fathomless billows of love!

What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace,
Buried deep in the heart of my soul,
So secure that no power can mine it away,
While the years of eternity roll!

Refrain

I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace,
Resting sweetly in Jesus’ control;
For I’m kept from all danger by night and by day,
And His glory is flooding my soul!

Refrain

And I think when I rise to that city of peace,
Where the Anchor of peace I shall see,
That one strain of the song which the ransomed will sing
In that heavenly kingdom will be:

Refrain

Ah, soul! are you here without comfort and rest,
Marching down the rough pathway of time?
Make Jesus your Friend ere the shadows grow dark;
O accept of this peace so sublime!