Showers of blessings...

...mercy-drops 'round us are falling, but for the showers we plead.

Well school is going better, I dropped a class so my workload is a lot less stressful and easier to manage. It was a good move on my part and I will still be able to see my family for graduation. Only 2 and 1/2 months left of school before I can walk and accept my diploma. Granted, I won't get the real one till a few months later when my class are all over but it will be an exciting moment just the same.

The roommate situation is NOT working out. A girl that seemed to be really interested in my place and even came twice to look at it decided it wasn't the right time for her to move. *sigh* So I'll have to ask my folks to help with rent for a while longer I guess. I'm trying to trust that it's all for my own good though.

I am enjoying my classes and am learning some interesting things, especially in my on-campus Bible class. In other news we got 10 inches of snow, glorious snow. There's nothing more beautiful then a whole world that is hushed by a blanket of whiteness. Even the trees seem still and serene.

Another change that has occurred is that for the first time in my life, I'm not single. It still hasn't sunk in yet and it's not something I tried to bring on myself either. It just happened and I sure wasn't expecting it. Dorky thing is, I'm slowly turning into one of those girls I've made fun of for years. It is exciting and yet really nerve wracking at the same time.

There shall be showers of blessing,
Precious reviving again;
Over the hills and the valleys,
Sound of abundance of rain.

Holding On

If you've knelt beside the rubble of an aching, broken heart,
When the things you gave your life to fell apart;
You're not the first to be acquainted with sorrow, grief or pain,
But the Master promised sunshine after the rain.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

To invest your seed of trust in God in mountains you can't move,
You have risked your life on things you cannot prove;
But to give the things you cannot keep for what you cannot lose,
Is the way to find the joy God has for you.

Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night;
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.

The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.
Just in sight!

Silence

I am so stressed to the point of feeling sick to my stomach. I found out today, unless my appeal gets approved, that I won't be able to walk for graduation in May. My family and grandparents have already made plans to be here to celebrate this and I hate that I may have let everyone down. My life feels reduced to stack of to-do lists, homework, and errands to do here and there. I wish I wasn't so serious all the time. I wish I could laugh more often and just plain enjoy life. The fact that I'm here is a miracle right? Each day is a gift, is it not? So why don't I feel that? Why am I so tired, worn, and stressed all the time?

Ugh. What happened to my ambitions--to read, travel, explore, meet people? Each day I find myself wanting a "career" less than ever before. And yet I can't be ungrateful...I have a job, apt, friends, family, good health, and am better off than so many people...God please help me!

Not for the faint of heart....

Today was productive at work. Since I didn't get many emails I flagged all of them to answer tomorrow and made today a "catch-up" day on the stacks and forms I never get around to doing. By 3pm my head was swimming and the compy was starting to blur in front of me. Stupid vertigo. I need to see a specialist or something. I took a long walk, went back and packed up, went home and had a good cry. I cannot give up. I have to keep going. I am so nervous about passing one of my classes, but I have to make it through or I can't walk. Tonight is my ballet class and I hope my head stops hurting by then or I'll never learn my moves for the spring program. On the bright side my friend from my former college spent all weekend with me and I had a great time. She just went home and now I'm kinda sad. If she gets a job here she'll be my roommate, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high in that regard. If I may use a sports analogy, I feel as if I'm sitting on the bench with a broken leg and am waiting for one of those motivating "win one for the gipper" speeches. To be fair, there have been some good things happening and yet I can't enjoy it completely because I'm afraid it will disappear if I do. I sure hope it will all be worth it in the end.

Warm fuzzies

It's almost one in the morning, but seeing I haven't posted something in a while I wanted to write a quick post. I'm tired and sleepy, but very happy. And no, I haven't been drinking... I'm still doing too much, have no roommate, am worrying about finances, feeling drained every day, and yet I'm happy. A wonderful paradox.

My life so far...

So this weekend has been quite eventful... er, depending on your definition of that. Yesterday on the way home from work, I stopped by the thrift store to find items to decorate my apartment with. It is becoming a new hobby/obsession for me and I'm thrilled with the way my place is slowly progressing into the home I envision it to be. For I don't want to just have a place to "live in" however long-term or temporary it may be. I really want to make the most of what I have now, instead of waiting for something bigger or better. I want it to reflect my personalities while making it a welcoming place for my friends. I bought a poster today of the Brooklyn bridge that I'll have framed, am looking into painting and/or wallpapering, along with trying to find more pictures, rugs, plants, etc. It's a nice way to take a break from the stresses of school/work.

Speaking of which, it's getting quite busy at work and a part of me prefers it that way since it makes the day go by faster. However, I am more tired by the time I go home and have little energy left to clean, make dinner, do homework, talk to friends, etc. Small wonder I look forward to the weekend. Graduation, effective tomorrow, is in 96 more days and I'm super excited about it. Finally got to talk to my folks today and made plans for them to come up for the event. I need to schedule vacation days from work for graduation weekend, buy my books for next sub-term, send out the rest of my invites, and just get on top of things. I also I have my internship details to work out, but as of now it's on the back of my mind.

Still haven't be able to find a roommate, but I'm slowing coming to peace with it. My folks agreed to help out financially as long as I'm contributing what I can. Perhaps I need to be by myself for a few months. Regardless, I'm going to accept my situation roommate or not.

Today I walked one whole mile and proved to myself how out of shape I am. It showed me I need to make my health more of a priority so I'm going to try to walk everyday. Afterwards I did laundry, made dinner, and did some reading. It occurred to me I haven't written on the blog in a while so I'm jotting a random note here. Now I need to get back to homework. But I ask you, what are you working towards? It makes life much more interesting to have a goal.

Carried to the Table, by Leeland

I love this song; I'm performing to it for my recital.

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me